When I first got to my hotel apt. last week there wasn’t a bug in sight, at least not in my room, but as the days continued the bugs came out of the word work in all shapes and frightening sizes. I think it was about the third night when I came home and noticed several translucent, flesh coloured ants trotting around the kitchen. I considered several ways of expelling them from the room alive, honestly I would have preferred to sweep them outside, but I didn’t have a broom and so I murdered them.
Two nights later I noticed the largest and fastest cockroach I’ve ever seen in my entire life hiding under the night stand. I screamed immediately and jumped on top of the bed. I waited for him to move, but he didn’t. The second I got up to turn off the lights he ran across my foot, and I then murdered him too.
Grossed out and still shaking with fear, believing he was going to come back to life in the paper towel I had used to pick him up I ran to the trash whimpering like a little girl. Actually, even when I was a little girl I was not this afraid of bugs. My reactions this week have been ridiculously, recounting them– I’ve literally stood on top of my bed staring down at the floor trying to spot the assailants for 30 minutes straight unable to think about anything else; I’ve begun to realise I have a problem and am trying to fix it. I don’t want to be a murderer.
Today I was walking home from having lunch at La Siesta Pizzeria where I was reading Carlos Castaneda’s “The Teachings of Don Juan.” When I got into the house I felt my hair start moving a little bit, I thought maybe I was being paranoid, nope. Another large bug that looked similar to a grasshopper but the same color as my hair was traversing my head.
Maybe it was the book, or maybe I was just feeling a little stronger today, because this time I walked outside and helped him off my head and onto the porch. I feel like in a small was this is a sign of progress. I mean come on, if I want to travel to far off places I really can’t jump on top of the bed every time I see a bug, no matter how big it is.